Introversion
Jun. 21st, 2009 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottahillI just read an odd little advice column about what introverts should do in social situations.
http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2009/06/01/introvert/index.html
The advice-seeker is an introvert who wants to know how to deal with social situations; some books he's read suggest he focus on the other person, while others suggest he should "be himself". These are contradictory pieces of advice for an introvert.
The columnist's response is initially oddly poetic, repeating the phrase "holding your space". His advice is to go to the party, seek out other introverts, and hang out near them but don't say anything. It's implied that the other introvert will appreciate the silent company and the protection from extroverts roaming around. The columnist describes this as an aggressive (even combative) act, of being stubbornly introverted and not buying into the extrovert's need for chit-chat or appreciative laughter. I like the idea of seeking out other introverts and having a guilt-free non-conversation, although I'm not so comfortable with his battle-of-the-personality-types vibe.
He then says this, which is very interesting: An introvert who does not care to be noticed has an easier time of it.
That describes the difference between Jen and I very well. We're both introverts, and while neither of us are hermits, Jen is much happier when she can fade into the woodwork, while I crave attention.
He then goes on to make another great point:
This describes me very well, and I had never thought of it this way before. I love performing as a soloist, but then I get really uncomfortable when people come up to me afterwards and compliment my voice or my singing. I've come up with other explanations for this in the past, but I think this comes closer to it: I crave attention, but not necessarily interaction. It's not the full answer, though-- I'm uncomfortable with general compliments, but I would be thrilled to discuss specifics of interpretation and whatnot after a performance, particularly if it was someone whose musical opinion I respected.
It seems greedy to seek out attention without being willing to reciprocate, but maybe I'm assuming that everyone else is like me. Maybe there are people who prefer to give attention over getting it, and are perfectly happy with such an exchange as this.
Very interesting.
http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2009/06/01/introvert/index.html
The advice-seeker is an introvert who wants to know how to deal with social situations; some books he's read suggest he focus on the other person, while others suggest he should "be himself". These are contradictory pieces of advice for an introvert.
The columnist's response is initially oddly poetic, repeating the phrase "holding your space". His advice is to go to the party, seek out other introverts, and hang out near them but don't say anything. It's implied that the other introvert will appreciate the silent company and the protection from extroverts roaming around. The columnist describes this as an aggressive (even combative) act, of being stubbornly introverted and not buying into the extrovert's need for chit-chat or appreciative laughter. I like the idea of seeking out other introverts and having a guilt-free non-conversation, although I'm not so comfortable with his battle-of-the-personality-types vibe.
He then says this, which is very interesting: An introvert who does not care to be noticed has an easier time of it.
That describes the difference between Jen and I very well. We're both introverts, and while neither of us are hermits, Jen is much happier when she can fade into the woodwork, while I crave attention.
He then goes on to make another great point:
Wanting attention is not the same as wanting interaction. Performers who are introverts can get attention but avoid interaction. The stage keeps the audience at a distance. Backstage only a few are admitted. One can have some quiet time. You can also get attention without interaction by jobs such as teaching and lecturing, which put you at the center of the room but do not require you to be all palsy-walsy with folks. You do your thing and then they leave except for maybe one eager introvert who stays after class to help.
This describes me very well, and I had never thought of it this way before. I love performing as a soloist, but then I get really uncomfortable when people come up to me afterwards and compliment my voice or my singing. I've come up with other explanations for this in the past, but I think this comes closer to it: I crave attention, but not necessarily interaction. It's not the full answer, though-- I'm uncomfortable with general compliments, but I would be thrilled to discuss specifics of interpretation and whatnot after a performance, particularly if it was someone whose musical opinion I respected.
It seems greedy to seek out attention without being willing to reciprocate, but maybe I'm assuming that everyone else is like me. Maybe there are people who prefer to give attention over getting it, and are perfectly happy with such an exchange as this.
Very interesting.
