Frustration versus anger
Oct. 1st, 2008 10:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottahillI've been trying to make a distinction between frustration and anger in my life. In this distinction, anger is directed at someone, and implies that they are to blame for something, while frustration does not assign blame. I'm hoping that labelling my feelings as frustration instead of anger will reduce my desire to "get revenge" or go on some sort of crusade.
For example...last year at UD I had an office inside the physics suite, but they have since hired someone to teach the labs, full-time and for longer than I'll be here, so they moved me into the office across the hall from the suite. This new office happens to abut a room where physics students hang out, and the walls are paper-thin. It can be impossible for me to work in there sometimes. Very very frustrating, but I can't rightfully blame anyone about it.
- The students are loud sometimes, but it's their room. The chair has posted a "headphones only" rule, but should I request that they not talk? Not laugh? I can't bring myself to make those sort of demands, nor do I think I should.
- The department put me there because that's the only available office space in the vicinity of the physics departmnt, maybe the only available office space on campus for all I know. (I wouldn't want to be in another building.) They moved me out of my old office, true, but this new fellow is full-time and he'll be here after I'm gone, so it makes sense to put him in there.
Another example: Thursdays. I teach in the morning, but then Jen works in the afternoon and then has choir practice that evening. The LONGEST day of the week, and I hate it...but I can't blame J for needing to work as close to full-time as possible, or for wanting to have her choir. So not anger, but frustration.
What I'd like next is to be able to talk freely with J about my frustration, without her hearing blame and becoming defensive.
For example...last year at UD I had an office inside the physics suite, but they have since hired someone to teach the labs, full-time and for longer than I'll be here, so they moved me into the office across the hall from the suite. This new office happens to abut a room where physics students hang out, and the walls are paper-thin. It can be impossible for me to work in there sometimes. Very very frustrating, but I can't rightfully blame anyone about it.
- The students are loud sometimes, but it's their room. The chair has posted a "headphones only" rule, but should I request that they not talk? Not laugh? I can't bring myself to make those sort of demands, nor do I think I should.
- The department put me there because that's the only available office space in the vicinity of the physics departmnt, maybe the only available office space on campus for all I know. (I wouldn't want to be in another building.) They moved me out of my old office, true, but this new fellow is full-time and he'll be here after I'm gone, so it makes sense to put him in there.
Another example: Thursdays. I teach in the morning, but then Jen works in the afternoon and then has choir practice that evening. The LONGEST day of the week, and I hate it...but I can't blame J for needing to work as close to full-time as possible, or for wanting to have her choir. So not anger, but frustration.
What I'd like next is to be able to talk freely with J about my frustration, without her hearing blame and becoming defensive.
