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Getting work done (or not)
Oct. 7th, 2006 01:47 am1. When I look at the list of things I have to do, I freak out. I tend to assume that each task will take a long time to complete. And they do each take a long time to complete...because I'm so freaked out by them that I do anything to avoid doing them. I was this way about cleaning my room when I was little, but I think it's expanded to cover most things now, including things I would actually enjoy doing.
2. I seem to have no ability to prioritize. While I'm working on something like writing an exam or a job application, I'm constantly asking myself, "Should I be doing this? Shouldn't I be doing that other thing instead? Am I doing this efficiently?" It's maddening. Procrastination is one thing, because once you get started you're in; this lasts the entire time, so that I just want to drown it out with television, games, websites, whatever.
3. Speaking of television, I seem to think (and this is relatively new) that I have to have some form of background entertainment going for me to do work: TV, radio, music, whatever. This is actually probably a mistake. For one thing, I end up worrying about just what sort of background I want (not too distracting, not something I've listened to too much before, etc). But also, I think it helps me keep track of time, which increases anxiety. The best way to get something done is to go "into the zone", from chronos to kairos as Madeleine L'Engle might say: to become completely absorbed by the process. Background is probably interfering with that process; it does seem like a while since I've been in that zone.
4. I swear that my computer gives me ADD whenever I sit down at it. :)
5. And yeah, I should get myself a therapist. I actually got myself a primary care physician, which was the first step. I even went into a local therapists' office, but it had a small waiting room, with two people already in it. Umm, what about people who have a fear of waiting rooms? What are they supposed to do? (I don't fear waiting rooms but I do dislike having people sit near me, and the room felt way too intimate to me.) Don't know if I'll grin and bear that place, or look for somewhere else.
2. I seem to have no ability to prioritize. While I'm working on something like writing an exam or a job application, I'm constantly asking myself, "Should I be doing this? Shouldn't I be doing that other thing instead? Am I doing this efficiently?" It's maddening. Procrastination is one thing, because once you get started you're in; this lasts the entire time, so that I just want to drown it out with television, games, websites, whatever.
3. Speaking of television, I seem to think (and this is relatively new) that I have to have some form of background entertainment going for me to do work: TV, radio, music, whatever. This is actually probably a mistake. For one thing, I end up worrying about just what sort of background I want (not too distracting, not something I've listened to too much before, etc). But also, I think it helps me keep track of time, which increases anxiety. The best way to get something done is to go "into the zone", from chronos to kairos as Madeleine L'Engle might say: to become completely absorbed by the process. Background is probably interfering with that process; it does seem like a while since I've been in that zone.
4. I swear that my computer gives me ADD whenever I sit down at it. :)
5. And yeah, I should get myself a therapist. I actually got myself a primary care physician, which was the first step. I even went into a local therapists' office, but it had a small waiting room, with two people already in it. Umm, what about people who have a fear of waiting rooms? What are they supposed to do? (I don't fear waiting rooms but I do dislike having people sit near me, and the room felt way too intimate to me.) Don't know if I'll grin and bear that place, or look for somewhere else.
