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Things about myself I'd like to change
Aug. 12th, 2006 11:38 pmI could pretend this is a meme, but it's just me angsting. :)
1. I react very negatively towards strangers in public--- not people I'm being introduced to, but people I see on the street. I am suspicious and misanthropic in public, going to great lengths to isolate myself from them or to express my disapproval of their behavior, even while, at the same time, I am agonizing over my inability to stop the behavior. (Straight-up obsessive-compulsive, maybe?) Basically, in public I look like a nut, and so I avoid going out in public as much as possible, meaning I have zero "nightlife". (I don't drink anyway, but the occasional movie or concert or play would be nice.) I am dreading my flight on Wednesday.
2. I become overwhelmed by anxiety when I have things to do, which sends me off into procrastinatory web-browsing, eating, etc. This applies to things I have to do, of course (planning for class, writing an application letter, etc) but also to things I want to do. I have a strong desire to create---music, stories, research, programs, etc---but my perfectionism, my belief that I "never finish what I start, so what's the use?", blocks me from making the effort except when it is absolutely necessary. (Fortunately, the deadlines that arise from teaching class are enough motivation for me; without teaching I'd be more unproductive and probably more unhappy.)
3. The minor thing: I startle REALLY easily and dramatically. If I'm walking down the sidewalk and someone passes me from behind unawares, I'm likely to jump. If I see an unexpected bug, I shriek. This is not a good trait to have when one is a child :). Not so bad as an adult, because people don't take advantage of it as much, but I'm hoping that at least I can keep from passing it on to my own children, somehow.
1. I react very negatively towards strangers in public--- not people I'm being introduced to, but people I see on the street. I am suspicious and misanthropic in public, going to great lengths to isolate myself from them or to express my disapproval of their behavior, even while, at the same time, I am agonizing over my inability to stop the behavior. (Straight-up obsessive-compulsive, maybe?) Basically, in public I look like a nut, and so I avoid going out in public as much as possible, meaning I have zero "nightlife". (I don't drink anyway, but the occasional movie or concert or play would be nice.) I am dreading my flight on Wednesday.
2. I become overwhelmed by anxiety when I have things to do, which sends me off into procrastinatory web-browsing, eating, etc. This applies to things I have to do, of course (planning for class, writing an application letter, etc) but also to things I want to do. I have a strong desire to create---music, stories, research, programs, etc---but my perfectionism, my belief that I "never finish what I start, so what's the use?", blocks me from making the effort except when it is absolutely necessary. (Fortunately, the deadlines that arise from teaching class are enough motivation for me; without teaching I'd be more unproductive and probably more unhappy.)
3. The minor thing: I startle REALLY easily and dramatically. If I'm walking down the sidewalk and someone passes me from behind unawares, I'm likely to jump. If I see an unexpected bug, I shriek. This is not a good trait to have when one is a child :). Not so bad as an adult, because people don't take advantage of it as much, but I'm hoping that at least I can keep from passing it on to my own children, somehow.
